It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize