so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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