Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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