ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
