She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
