my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
