Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
