Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
