i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
