VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
