I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm at about main and main street
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
