Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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