Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
