i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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