Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
