So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
