"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
