so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So. Much. Porn.
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