WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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