like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
