shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
