Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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