At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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