It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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