marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
