Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
