You're completely useless in the revolution.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
