I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We need to rekindle our bromance
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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