god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
