I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
