Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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