I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
