i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it glows. i had to have it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
