two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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