i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
