Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my liver is dry heaving
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
