Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
