Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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