Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
