Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
