Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
