Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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