So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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