If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
