i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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