apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
