Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
