How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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