if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
