is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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