I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
