you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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