girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
