Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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