OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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