I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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