After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
