explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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