Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
