You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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