There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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