i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
