It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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