Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
