Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
