I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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