please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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