I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
