Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
