Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i drank out of a bidet.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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