she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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