Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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