____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
